I am woman, hear me roar

When I first signed up for Women Studies, I didn’t quite know what to expect. Sure, I believed in equal rights for women in the workplace, but I’d never thought about women’s rights much more than that. After all, I didn’t really see any other gender inequalities. What did I have to fight for? It isn’t the 1950’s anymore. However, I quickly started to change my thinking. In fact, it was the questionnaire on the first day of class that made me begin to reevaluate my views. Actually, it made a little uncomfortable to think about gender issues in that way. Over the course of time, however, several of the articles we read really had me thinking: “Is gender inequality still as prevalent today as it was fifty years ago?” Yes, it is, I found out. With this newfound knowledge, I found myself – albeit subtly – changing how I believed and even acted around others. I was a bit quicker to call people out when they would make a sexist joke or saying something negative about the opposite sex, regardless of the gender of the person speaking. That is something else that was truly surprising: I always believed that most feminists hated men and believed them to be the reason for all our troubles. That’s absolutely not the case. Most feminists believe in true gender equality, with neither sex putting down the other. After all, that’s counter-productive.

The “Tough Guise” movie was my favorite thing we looked at in the class, as I knew many guys who acted like that, and it made so much more sense that it was as detrimental to the quest for gender equality as extreme feminist is.

I used to think that those who were always advocating for gender rights or boycotting a certain ad because of its “sexist connotations” were just unhappy people who had a need to complain about everything. I had since learned that this is not true at all. They only want males and females to be truly equal, and they realize that today’s pop culture does nothing to help them with that.

With my understanding that gender inequality still exists, I can go out and help change how men and women view other by not allowing those around me to be sexist – even jokingly – and not letting my friends believe that, just because they don’t fit in with the media’s idea of what a woman looks and like, then they are not a true woman.

"A Woman's Place is in the Kitchen? Cool,That's Where They Keep the Knives."

I’m not a religious person, but when I was trying to find some semblance of who I was and what I believed in, I dabbled in the church going experience. I tried out a few churches before settling on a church back in my hometown. Overall, I had a great time there. The people – kids at least – were very friendly and non-judgmental. I always had a wonderful time there, even after I realized I didn’t believe in God.  However, there was one incident that caught me off-guard was one evening when we had a church function that was being put on by the youth group. I arrived with some friends and we began to set up. At this time, it was a mix of guys and girls who brought food and started setting up the decorations. When it came time to prepare the food, I saw that the only people who were doing anything to help were, well, girls. So I asked one of the girls why there were no boys cooking, and she said, as if it was obvious, “It’s not their place.” I was dumbfounded. My parents and even grandparents had shared cooking responsibilities for as long as I could remember (my dad actually cooked way more than my mom did), and I couldn’t fathom how someone could think any cooking that didn’t include a grill should be left up to the woman. It was then I had my first lesson in gender relations: these people seemed to be the most open-minded people I have ever met – there was even a lesbian that came to our group meetings – but they were still so rooted in the “man is the head of the house, and the women is his helpmate” philosophy, and they didn’t even see the injustice in that. The fact that the girl replied so nonchalantly about whose “place” is was to be in the kitchen is just shocking; it was the same girl whose dream it was to be a pediatrician. I never went back to that church. It wasn’t because I was an atheist and didn’t believe in God, it was because I just couldn’t help thinking that, in a way, these people were hypocrites: they preached open-minded acceptance of everybody and everything, but they couldn’t accept the simple fact that it was okay for men to be in the kitchen? That to men was more intolerable than any sin I could ever commit.

Megan Fox makes abuse look hot

I’ve never been abused or subjected to violence by someone of the opposite sex, so I don’t really have a story about that. But I do have … I guess a reflection on a song that I know (and love wayyy more than I should!): “I Love the Way You Lie” by Eminem and featuring Rihanna. It’s not just the song I love, it’s the music video I find so deliciously appalling. I in no way promote domestic violence, but the video itself is such an intense representation of what it means to be in an abusive relationship, that one can’t help to wonder, “Is that what it’s like to love to hate your significant other?”

I hate to admit this, but the “I Love the Way You Lie” music video is hot. Not only is beautifully acted by two sexy celebrities (seriously, my lady crush on Megan Fox is borderline ridiculous) but you can actually feel the characters’ pain and sadness radiating from the screen. To those of you who have never seen it, go to Youtube right now and watch the video. Seriously. It almost – and I’m probably going to catch a lot of flak for this – makes me want to be abused. There, I said it. And it has quite a few elements of patriarchal violence mixed in as well. When the video opens, we see Dominic Monaghan in bed with Megan Fox, and he has his arm draped over her. At first you think, “Awww, how sweet; they’re cuddling.” As the video progresses, the viewer realizes it was more of an attempt to confine Megan Fox’s character and to restrain her in order to ensure she can’t get away. In another shot, we see Dominic Monaghan’s character sitting on a couch behind Megan Fox, who looks distressed. He reaches for her, and she slaps his hand away. Once again, the viewer can take it as a comforting move on Dominic’s part, until we see the smirk on his face as he does so. It’s like he’s saying he can do what he pleases to Megan Fox because she is his.

In the most controversial scene – there are so many – Dominic Monaghan slams Megan Fox against a wall and then proceeds to punch a hole in said wall. He then breaks down and starts to cry. Any other woman in her right mind would’ve taken that as an opportunity to escape, but not Megan Fox. She finds his “weakness” a complete turn-on and they have a raunchy make-out session right there. At this point I always wonder, “Does she not think she can do any better? She’s sexy! Of course she can do so much better!” But then I realize it’s true: she feels she has nowhere to go. It is then revealed that the two lovebirds met in a bar, and it’s been a toxic relationship from the beginning. When Megan Fox goes back to that same bar and strikes up a conversation with another man, Dominic Monaghan shows up and beats the guy to a bloody pulp. How romantic. Dominic’s character must assert that Megan Fox is his woman, and he must scare away all the potential “good guys.” If Megan Fox’s character realizes that there are better men out there for her, then she may wise up and leave one day. The operative word being “may.” In the most appalling scene of them all (I know you’re thinking, “How can you decide? They’re all so offensively sexy) Dominic’s character backhands Megan Fox’s character, and it shown in slow motion how she reels back. For that one instance, we see the pain and desperation in her face, and even I was thinking, “LEAVE!” However, she doesn’t, and the twisted cycle begins again the next day.

Though both characters are perpetrators of violence, it is quite clear throughout the video that Dominic Monaghan is in charge, and he can never let Megan Fox too far away from his grip, as he knows that 1)he’s a bad man and 2) he knows that she knows this, and he doesn’t want to risk letting her go. That would mean compromising his manhood, and that would oh so tragic.

Being Pro-Choice Does Not Make You Selfish

In this day and age, abortion is a dangerous topic to speak about, even in the most accepting of groups. Most people are fiercely divided between being pro-choice and pro-life – those who believe that it should be a woman’s choice decide whether or not she wants to have an abortion, and the people who believe that abortion is murder, and should therefore be illegal. Though I can see both sides of the situation, I am staunchly pro-choice. Now, I don’t advocate abortion being used as birth control, nor do I promote late-term abortions, as I believe that at that late of a stage, a fetus is well enough formed to be considered a human being. I believe it is a woman’s right to choose whether or not she can afford – mentally, emotionally, or financially – to have a baby; after all, I know several people that should have had an abortion rather than have their children. Those people were, and in some respects, still are unfit for motherhood: they do not have jobs and rely on their parents for money, they go out and party when they should be at home taking care of their children (and I’m not talking about going out once a week or so to party – these people do it all the time), and they treat their children as nothing more than a hobby. Please tell me how it was beneficial for those children to come into a world that was not prepared for them rather than for the mothers in question to have that pregnancy terminated and wait until she was better off to have a child.

However, I’m realistic; I know the world – especially the South – we live is intolerant of abortion, and we teach that abortion is never the answer. If we are to teach that abortion is wrong and it should never be done except in cases of rape and incest (and I know people who are against even that), then we must take steps to ensure that people will rarely feel the need to get an abortion. We must be more open and educate people about abortion and ways to prevent it. We must be more willing to teach about birth control and different ways to protect oneself from getting pregnant. Also, we cannot be so judgmental toward people who decide that abortion is the better route for them; they are not “loose” or “selfish” just because they choose not to have a baby. In fact, they are more responsible and selfless than many pro-life people I’ve encountered. Lastly, we must educate people about pregnancy (when a baby starts to fully form, when the fetus is able to move and kick, etc.) I believe that if we are able to educate people on the fact that, no, life does not begin at conception, then we will become more open-minded as a people about abortion.

You Put What Where?!

            I can’t stress this enough: I have always felt that I was different from my peers. Not in a bad way, per se, but enough that I know that I’m not like my friends. That’s true when I came to sex. While my friends in high school were off “hooking up” and experimenting with the opposite sex, I was in a sexual limbo. I went from being terrified of sex, to wanting to at least wait until marriage (after all, it can’t be as terrifying with someone you love and trust), to not wanting to do it all, to thinking it might not be so bad to try it. I was seventeen when I finally decided that I was absolutely ready to have sex, and eighteen before it happened. It wasn’t like I wanted to do it with just anybody; I at least wanted to do it with someone I was comfortable with.

Then, the first weekend I went home to visit family, my best friend let slip to her older brother that I found him attractive (that’s a gross understatement, by the way. Her brother is sexxxxxyyyyyyy). Somehow, he got my number and we started texting. I told him I was a virgin, and he offered to fix that for me. Trust me, I jumped at the chance to bed Ben. However, that’s all I wanted. Sex. Don’t get me wrong, Ben is ridiculously handsome, but he wasn’t boyfriend material. So, we set up a date, and two weeks later, it happened.

To me, it was more of a favor than anything. I don’t have any weird, naïve notions that Ben ever liked me or wanted to be with me, I don’t obsess over him, and no, I don’t sleep around a lot. In fact, I can count on one hand the people I’ve been with since. I didn’t want to have sex so I could go whore around campus, I wanted to do it for me, and only me. In a way, I think it made be a stronger person because I didn’t give in to peer pressure (and boy, was there a lot of it!) to lose my virginity to some random guy at a party or after Homecoming. It gave me a better sense of who I am, and because of that, I regret nothing.

President Obama Can Do WHAT With the DADT Bill?

                Living in the South – especially in Mississippi – makes being a somewhat liberal-minded individual hard. It’s not that Mississippi is exactly oppressive; it’s just that there is one way of thinking for the majority of people. I won’t lie; most of my family is completely against Barack Obama being president (for reasons I don’t ask about – I don’t want to get into a fight with 95% of my family), they don’t feel it is necessary to go too far off from one’s family, especially if you’re a girl, and, while everyone depends on me to be the “educated one,” my family actually wants me to be the “educated Conservative one.”  For many years I knew I was different in many ways – not just politically – and I struggled with that, because I knew I wouldn’t have the support of my family. Then, when I was in my early teens, I did a complete 180 from my family. I was an ultra-liberal, ultra-feminist, ultra-annoying little kid who barely knew what she was talking about in the realm of politics. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t exactly ignorant of what went on around me, I just had a completely unrealistic idea of how the world should be. After about a year or so, I started to calm down. Today, my views are nicely blended: there are some ideas I’m conservative on, and others I’m more liberal-minded about. I’m now far less inclined to argue with my family on every little thing I disagree with them on (many of my family members are older, and they remember a different time, and their beliefs are just a reflection of that). I both respect what others have to say on topics I don’t  agree with and understand that, misguided or not, if I were to say that their opinions are wrong just because they don’t agree with my line of thinking, then I would be no better than my right-wing, conservative kinfolk.

Learning a lesson

About five or six years ago, I was, like many teenagers, trying to “find myself.” I was unsure of everything: my beliefs, my morals, my standards, everything. I didn’t know where to turn: I was angry and bitter, and I had no outlet for those feelings. Then, one day as I was surfing the Internet, I came across an article on feminism on some obscure little website. Having never heard the word before, I was curious. It talked about the empowerment of women and how it could only be achieved through protesting everything anti-woman, and doing so as often and as loudly as possible. From that point on I was hooked. While I couldn’t actively get out there and picket ‘anti-women’ events and whatnot, I was extremely outspoken on my beliefs on feminism. And I was radical in those ideas, too. Did I want to get married? No. Did I want to listen to any man? I don’t think so. And if marriage was out, then I certainly didn’t advocate the tradition of taking the man’s last name after getting married. I was a mess. For years, I spoke out against anything and everything I thought oppressed women, and I made sure people heard me.

About three years ago, things started to change. As I started to understand who I was as a person, my ideas started to change. I found out that I did want to get married (although it can wait a few years), that maybe having children wasn’t so bad, that being a housewife doesn’t make you a slave to your husband (I would do it if my future husband made enough money), and that being a feminist doesn’t mean you have to get belligerent every time someone makes a negative remark about a woman. That doesn’t make you a feminist, it makes you annoying.

While my beliefs have drastically changed over the past few years, I still consider myself a feminist. I believe that women should have the choice to go out and work, and if they do, they deserve equal pay. I also believe that if there was to be another draft, it should include women (after all, ‘feminists’ can’t pick and choose what they want to be equal in), and that if a woman belittles a man for the sake of feminism, then that makes her just as bad as any chauvinistic man. However, I’m realistic: I think that there are a few things that men can do better than women and women can do better than men; everyone has their niches. I think that makes me an empowered woman, as I understand my strengths but don’t delude myself into thinking I don’t have any weaknesses.